This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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