broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
