His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
