cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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