Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
