The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
