it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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