is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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