you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
