I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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