Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
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In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
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Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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