Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
