In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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