I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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