First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
