you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
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Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
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Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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