ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
