I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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