My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
