Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Buhtt sex?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
