do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
