Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
