We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
