haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize