I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
nutella sex= disaster
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
