she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
