Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
