She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
