come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
