i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
