all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
