We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Randomize
