yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
