I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
