Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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