everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
