I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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