Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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