so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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