that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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