oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
