its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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