hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
