You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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