My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Go christen that room with your naked body.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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