HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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