loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
not ubering you a puppy
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
