I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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