In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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