A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I faked an abortion last night.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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