i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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