Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
