Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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