The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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