i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
