she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
