1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
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