I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
