'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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