Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
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He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
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Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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