Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
