i jhust puked up my retainher.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
