I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
