Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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