I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
