why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
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this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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