If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
