did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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