I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize