Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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