Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
As shirtless as possible
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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