that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
